From the Archives: An Ask About Houses/Homes

Originally posted on Tumblr on December 12, 2014

Anonymous asked: What home do you like / miss the most, and why?

There’s this house we used to live in back in Montana, a beautiful house on the edge of a ravine with a wheat field beyond it, and a view of mountains all around. True “Big Sky” kind of home, with birch trees in the corners of the yard, hedges and tall grass, a hot tub and a trampoline. I miss the seasons there – scrappy-kid summers of barbecues and flashlight tag, pink-cheeked winters of sledding and snow up to our waist.

But a lot of bad stuff happened in that home. Some of my worst memories. So when I really think about it, I don’t miss it at all.

It’s the same with every home before and after. Good and bad break even. You get older, and you start to think that maybe “home” is certain feelings, certain people. But those people walk out of your life forever, and your heart glosses over so you don’t miss them anymore. Those feelings become implacable, faded with nostalgia, and impossible to replicate.

And so, for the past 14 years of my life, “home” has always been something temporary, an understanding that the good and bad are fleeting; what’s bad will get better, what’s good will change.

That’s a very roundabout way, I suppose, of saying that I don’t miss any of my past homes anymore. I don’t want to go back. I’m glad with where I am, and I’m looking forward to the future.

See, if you don’t make roots anywhere, it doesn’t hurt as much when you have to pull them up.

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